I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
