If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
