dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
