I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
