I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
