the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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