He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
