I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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