I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
