Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
