at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
