holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
