You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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