JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
