Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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