apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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