Can Purell be used as lube?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
