Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
