I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
