sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You pole danced in your parka.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
