Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
