winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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