His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
