He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
