Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
