ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This is my gift to your gina
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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