We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
