So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
