you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
