I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
