i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
