dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have fence marks all over my body
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
