wanna go halves on a baby?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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