i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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