Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
