I can text with my tongue
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
