we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
