oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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