I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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