I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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