How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
