Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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