Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
