i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
