Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
