i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we made out on top of his cat.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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