so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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