her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
