dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
