My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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