Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
