As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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