My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
