im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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