My room smells like vodka and shame
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
