The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
