On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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