Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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