dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
