After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
