I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
